Bail Story

My memory isn't too clear about this story, because it comes from a very very long time ago, I think I was maybe seven or eight years old at the time. So I was out with my brother, my Dad, my friend Anson and his Dad at I believe it was some scouts or cubs recreational thing, and it was the middle of winter. We all had brought sleds and the like, and there was this one massive hill, I clearly remember that the top of it was so steep that I honestly couldn't even walk up it. It's hard to describe, but imagine a hill that curved upwards so it became steeper the higher you were, had trees on both sides, and was maybe three hundred and fifty meters from the top to the bottom. The run itself was probably ten to fifteen meters across and at the bottom it went out onto a road, luckily you couldn't get going fast enough to reach it. So everyone was doing their runs down this massive hill (I think it might have been an old dirt road that had been closed off or something) and eventually a few of the adults pull up a giant tube that you would normally use for being dragged behind a boat or something. At the top of the hill me and all the people that I came with got in, plus one or two people I didn't know, I sat at the very bottom of the tube (facing up the hill, so I couldn't see where we were going) and we set off. At first everything was going fine, we were gently accelerating, until we got we got up to a decent speed, and then disaster struck! There was a little dip in the hill, and when we hit it the bottom of the tube got stuck in it, and did a complete flip! I got the worst of it because really I only rotated a little bit and fell out, but the people at the top of the tube got launched far! No one was left on the tube, and we all slid down to the bottom laughing and in pain, all in all it was a good day. Now I know this wasn't about bailing exactly because I had no idea what was happening, but it has to count for something, right?

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM MERRICK?!?!

Since pretty much grade seven or eight I've been pretty close with the same group of guys, Rob, Simon, Merrick and Raiden, Merrick left after grade nine and Raiden left just last year, and a lot of people agree that his presence is missed! I'm going to be honest, the balance just hasn't been quite right since even Merrick left. Me and him were good friends, even though I'm pretty sure we hated each other about ninety-five percent of the time, that's just what happens when you have two people who refuse to admit that there's even a possibility either of them could be wrong. We did some stupid stuff, but that's not important, what's important is that after him and Raiden left school just isn't as funny any more! We had, or used to at least, have way too much fun! Any ways, time to get to the story. So it was grade nine, Mr. Schugraf was our home room teacher.poor guy. Only now do I realize that he had been much more on edge then he normally was for those handful of weeks, I mean, we could tell something was off, knew he was on edge, we just didn't apply that to how we behaved. How could we? Honestly, with Merrick there was never a bad time to joke around, the more inappropriate the situation, the better. So normally in 'mentor' class (I still maintain that it's not a real class in any way, shape or form) you're supposed to read, but way more often then not we would just kind of hold our books, leave them open on our desks and just talk and do homework. Today was different though, he was actually making us read for once! I suppose someone had spoken to him about it, so... What happened in the forty minutes to follow wasn't real a befitting response. We were just not having it that day, I'm pretty sure we had a lot of work from the classes before because we just did not have an ounce of focus left in us, so as per usual we tried to do our homework but as we heard the class was for reading today, and so we had to go put our work away, and as the saying goes "Idle hands are the devil's playthings." As expected we just goofed off, talking way too loudly, joking amongst each other (don't worry you're not the only teacher to have had to suffer through it), and pretty much doing anything except reading our books. Merrick and I were joking (yes this material is pretty old) that we couldn't read, he first tried reading the book through osmosis, more simply explained he just mashed his face into the book and stared into space with a dead and somewhat confused look. This was quite funny, I'm laughing as I remember it, but I could keep it pretty low key. Then Merrick sat bolt upright, and started sliding his finger across the page, more or less across the words, and of course I asked what he was doing, he explained that he was blind and at this moment he was just looking straight forward, but things soon escalated. He leaned back in his chair, finger still sliding across the pages, let his jaw drop open and stared straight at the ceiling with that dead look again. I couldn't help but start laughing, not too loudly but loud enough for people around me to notice, Raiden looked over and also began laughing at the hilarious scene that was unfolding in front of him. Now I could also hear Rob laughing too, but was too consumed with what Merrick was doing. Then from the front right corner of the room came a very angry (to say the least) yell. "What's the problem Merrick!?" and completely silently, Merrick slowly looks down, eyes wide, confused, mouth still hanging open. As his eyes meet the page a look of shock and  revelation comes over him, he looks at Schugraf, back at the page and clearly speaks the most true and memorable words I have ever heard. "It's not Braille", completely straight faced he looks again at Schugraf with a look of now confused horror. "Get out!", in possibly the most infuriated sounding voice I have ever heard from a man, were the only words from Schugraf's mouth. We just laughed in his face, we laughed so hard I was almost in tears! I can't remember laughing so hard in my life! We laughed until we were out of breath, and then he told those of use who were responsible "...you know who you are." to go to the Dean's office. Needless to say I of course didn't go, I'm laughing so hard I can hardly explain why! Then afterwards he informed us of how we were, I'm not sure if this was the exact number, but the third group of people, in all of his years of teaching, that he had to ask to go to the dean. God I miss Merrick!


For reference this is a picture of the man himself  (ignore the random guy in the background):

Merrick.

And this is a shot of Raiden:

Let's just say he kind of let himself go...

Blarg #3

I recently took up photography in school. It's something that has always interested me and my good friend Anson has been doing it for a long time and is an inspiration to me. He's a great photographer, his work looks professional and because of it he got offered a full scholarship to ACAD. I love taking photos, I think I have a pretty good eye for composition and colour. This is a shot of mine that is of the new stairs and railing in my house. I like the vertical pillars, contrasting with the horizontal of the floor, and the diagonal of hand rail. I also like the red light coming in from the main floor. I like this photo because I think it is very subtle and understated, the picture is of the stairs but the light tells a story. I think photography gives me a way to express or show my eye for art, because I'm terrible when it comes to painting or creating anything physical. I'm pretty proud of this shot, I used the largest possible aperture and an 8 second shutter speed which still barely let any light in, giving you an idea of how pitch black it was.

(Sorry if you can't see the photo because it is too dark)

Blarg #2 200 Word Story

It's late fall and it's just starting to get a little brisk outside, so I slip on my only jacket which seems suited to the temperature and venture outside my house. I start walking down the path behind my house, it looks rather good with all the orange and gold leaves sprinkled about, one might even say it's beautiful. I continue down the path noting all the deciduous trees, who's needles stay right in place while those around them seem to fall apart with the wind. As it is a bit chilly I slip my hands up into their respective pockets and close my fingers around a handful of coins, I pull them out and upon inspection discover I have rediscovered eight dollars in toonies and loonies that I must have left there many months ago. I decide to change course from Research Park to Market Mall, or more importantly, the nearest Starbucks. I march my way through the leaves of the un-swept pathways, past another park, and then once clear of trees I crossed an overpass to the mall. Once inside I bee lined for the Starbucks nearest me, and after waiting in line for a short while I ordered myself a tall mocha cookie crumble frappuccino and too my delight, discovered that you could also get a full cup of whipped cream, entirely for free! This was an offer I couldn't resist so I also ordered a tall cup of their delicious chocolate whipped cream, and then took a bench seat to wait for my order. There were two men beside me who looked to be in their early forties discussing evolution, the extinction of the dinosaurs (more specifically how it was in fact the dust shot into the atmosphere from the impact of a large meteorite which blocked out the sun and which led to their demise), and the effects of overspecialisation of certain species and how that has effected their longevity. Unfortunately all too soon my order was called and I stepped up, took my two (if it can be called two) drinks, and almost entirely uneventfully made the trip home, with the frost of the evening only finding its way to my ears.

Based on a true story, very uneventful, but almost true.

1st L.A. Assignment 250 Words About Yourself

Salutations,

I'm Noah and amongst other things I am not exactly sure what to write in this two hundred and fifty word paragraph style blog type thing. Any ways, twenty eight words down, only two hundred and twenty or so left to go. As I've heard you seem to have noticed that I enjoy laughing at the language arts teacher and during her class, not only is this extremely personal but you are the only teacher whom I have ever laughed at during their class. Regardless I'm supposed to tell you about myself, well for starters I love music, for the most part I only listen to underground rap but I do enjoy classic Wu-Tang Clan and also some more alternative stuff.

Almost without question my grandest obsession is cars, but lets be clear, not all cars receive my affections. My most hated group of cars are bar none muscle cars. I hate all modern muscle cars, and I hate ninety nine point nine nine percent of classic muscle cars, the Shelby AC Cobra being the only exception to this rule. Why do I hate muscle cars? Well probably what most offends me about muscle cars is their design philosophy, "more power, less money". Actually that's an lie, what I most hate is people who love the performance of muscle cars while either considering them true sports cars or comparing them to real sports cars and claiming that they are better because they have better straight line performance. That brings me to what I hate the second most about muscle cars, how now a days they pretend to be sports cars. No. That to me is unacceptable. Why is it unacceptable? Because nine out of ten times they are a poorly engineered, unreliable, chunk of American pig iron which empowers their drivers to think that they are the coolest people on the planet when in fact they are complete losers with no taste, or understanding of real motoring. I can admit, sometimes I enjoy the idea of a certain muscle car, or I like the looks, but having been in my fair share of them they simply feel like they are not very well put together and the ergonomics are almost always atrocious. I should be clear, I am only speaking of most American built muscle cars, AMG vehicles and the likes from Stuttgart actually warm my heart! And now that I'm done explaining why American pig iron puts me off I can tell of what cars I do like! From more mainstream stuff Porsche is my favourite, but not by much. I love their driveability, reliability, styling, practicality and their engineering is simply marvellous, it extends from the exterior design to the interior and makes for a sense of occasion but usability and luxury that is simply at the top of it's class. Secondly I love AMG vehicles, Mercedes AMG for those who are not in the know, are absurdly powerful, tire shredding machines of absolute inanity and joy. Their still fairly practical and the luxury is immense as well. AMG engines sound like hammers, their exhaust note is described by many as the fifty calibre AMG soundtrack, and I must say that is spot on. Why they are so special, at least to me is their pure absurdity, how ridiculous and flamboyant they are and yet when only glanced at the casual observer will only see a normal Mercedes. If you seem to think that my hatred for pig iron and love for AMG seem contradictory, I doubt there is any hope for you and will spare my words.

Now that I've realized this rant has gone on for far too long I will close saying I love small supercar and small hypercar marques. Nothing can really shine a light to what it would be like to own a Koeinsegg, or a Pagani. Look those up and even if you aren't an enthusiast you will still be able to appreciate their beauty. Now as you've probably learned, I'm Noah, and I could talk to you about this for hours. But no one really cares and now that my two hundred and fifty word quota is fulfilled I'm going back to sleep.